Sunday, August 8, 2010

Beyond my wildest dreams

I am grateful everyday that the Lord did not grant me the man of my dreams. Not that I had such a man, or such dreams. Though I think people should. No, I did not know what I was looking for, but the Lord gave me Hans. He is beyond my wildest imagination.

We met during my intentional year of repentance. I got lost during my years in college. I had forgotten who I was. I was tired, and I didn't want to not be lost anymore. So, I set aside one year to hope that I would be found.

I met Hans the summer after my graduation, though we didn't start talking until months later. I told Hans about my lost and wasted years, and he told me that he was not interested in who I was or what I had done. "I am only interested in knowing who you are right now" was what he said. I thought he was kind, and very sweet to say that, but I don't think I believed him.

But here we are, seven years later, married, with two children, and he has not once asked me about the past. Not once. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a husband like this, who would love me in this way.

As I was getting Emeth ready for bed tonight, I thanked him for being such a good boy. He then recounted something wrong he did this morning, reminding me that he hasn't been good.

I paused. The Lord is gently teaching me this lesson about forgiveness, again.

I have forgiven him. I do not want to remember. It gives me so much pleasure to tell him that mommy has forgiven him, and we are now going to forget about the whole thing.

My husband loves me. It matters not to him who I was before I met him.

Lord, teach me about your grace, for I cannot imagine it.
I do not know how far the east is from the west.
Those who are forgiven much, love much.
Those who are forgiven little, love little.
Help me to know how much I have been forgiven.

1 comment:

Jean Tsen said...

oh, such a heart-filling read! and--WHAT--i cannot believe that with just barely learning how to talk, he already knows how to express repentance! what a special little heart he's been given! ah, i'm so biased!

and i love the Luke 7 passage. it has a special significance to shin since USC. this is what often gets shin back on my feet when i reach the point of seeing how weak my love is for my USC friends--capacity of knowing depth of my depravity and unworthiness of His forgiveness turned into capacity to love, and to love in such a way that counts before Him. such a wonder that He sees and receives our love. also sobering to know He sees the measure our love though it does not impact the measure of His love for us.