1. Count your troubles, name them one by one. Begin at the breakfast table, to anyone who would listen, and as soon as possible thereafter.
2. Worry about something everyday. Do not let yourself get out of practice!
3. Pity yourself. You are not a bad person, but why do bad things always happen to you? If you pity yourself enough, nobody else will have to do it for you.
4. Devise clever and subtle ways to serve God and money, think of ways to gain the approval of God and the world. Why not have both?
5. Always covet. Always desire what is not yours, yet. Always compare yourself to others and want what you don't have, and show off what you do have.
6. Think of yourself first. Put your needs and troubles before thinking of others. Make sure you get your rights. Your deserve the best, and other people can just... well, you don't need to think about other people.
7. Do NOT let eternal things get in the way of what matters now. Make sure you check your email and Facebook now. Make sure you watch that movie, and finish that drama series today. Bible reading and prayer get you nothing in this world. So, stick to the things you can see, that's where it's at.
Adapted from Elisabeth Elliot's "Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable" in Keep a Quiet Heart, page 93. I pretty much just described myself.